Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
