It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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