HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
