i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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