I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
