non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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