Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
