i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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