dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
