yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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