I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
