What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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