i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
