Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
