i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
