So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
