And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
