That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
