Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
