i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
