the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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