Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
