I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
