my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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