sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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