sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
