Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
