just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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