You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
