his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What drink are we having for lunch?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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