I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
