i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
