Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
