A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize