i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
