I puked a lego.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
