I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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