How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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