i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
