worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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