Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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