How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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