wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
