don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
