We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
