maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
