She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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