You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
