Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
