They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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