God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I could fuck to npr.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
