my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
