just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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