oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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