you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize