i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
