ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
