I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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