i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
