why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
