I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
