that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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