I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
God, I missed his penis.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
