hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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