I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
