im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I got inside last night via doggy door
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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