i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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