dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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