new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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