Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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