He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
