I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You smell like stripper and shame
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
